How to Make New Years Resolutions (Part III)

We mentioned that we might give up on our New Year’s resolutions because we aren’t perfect in keeping with them.  Because we might “fail” once or twice as we strive to make changes we can end up throwing away our resolutions before we even give ourselves a real chance to reach our goal.  How can we make sure that we stay with our resolutions and allow ourselves to achieve the growth that we need and want?

We can celebrate our victories!  Every time that we make progress we can wallow for just a little while in our achievement.  We can say “great job!” and allow ourselves to actually absorb the fact that we have done well and can keep going.  Instead of focusing on what we haven’t done, we can build a sense of achievement and anchor it in place of happy thoughts and joyful celebrations.  An intense, focused celebration can be recalled later and will “glue” it into your consciousness so that later you can think back on your successes and use those recollections to buoy yourself when you face new challenges. 

We tend to disregard successes and to ignore the fact that it took a lot of hard work to get there.  Since many of us have unrealistic expectations of ourselves we might say that we have achieved almost nothing!  When you acknowledge that you have seized the moment and realized your goal, no matter now small it was, you become more confident and your belief in yourself grows.

And isn’t that a wonderful way to head into the New Year?!

How to Make New Years Resolutions (Part II)

If our New Year’s resolution involves a decision to relate to other people in healthier, happier ways and improve our relationships with them then we need to become aware of how the other person is responding to us and our approach.  Consciously observing our own behavior and other people’s responses to it is the first step in building awareness. Awareness doesn’t happen immediately.  It’s a skill that we can learn step by step. 

Awareness is a state of being in tune with our thoughts and emotions, knowing how we are feeling and reacting in a given way at a particular moment in time.  It is a place from which we can clearly perceive the effect our behaviors have on others.  For example, if we’re abrasive and aggressive towards others we’re likely to get a hostile reaction back.  But if we are gentle, patient and caring, pathways of communication can open up between us instead.  It’s at this point that all positive possibilities become available to us.

It is often the job of adulthood to learn what self awareness is and how to master it.

With awareness we can also draw healthy boundaries between ourselves and others.  We can assert what we feel and need while taking the feelings of other people into account as well.  With healthy boundaries we can know most clearly what we need to take responsibility for and what issues need to be dealt with by others.  When we try to “fix” problems that don’t belong to us and that we can’t actually control, we can find ourselves in situations that are disturbing and fraught with problems.   Awareness helps us draw lines that are both loving and stabilizing.

It is when we have awareness and healthy boundaries that we are best able to build and grow happy, fulfilling and meaningful lives and relationships.

How to Make Your New Year's Resolutions (Part I)

Every year we make New Year’s resolutions.  For example we say, we’re going to lose weight or we’re going to give up smoking or maybe we’re going to go back to school and get that degree we’ve always dreamt of having.  We definitely intend to work hard at our resolutions but after having “failed” once or twice we give up, thinking we can’t change.  Why does this happen and how can we change things so that our wonderful new goals actually become active and true parts of our lives?

Our old habits are hard to break because they started when we were little children.  It’s when we’re very young that we develop a set of beliefs that become central to the way in which we understand the world.  When we’re young we don’t know that we have the privilege of choice. We tend to model ourselves on the adults in our environment without question (you can read more about this in Lessons from a Life Coach, lesson one).  Our old beliefs can keep us stuck, interfering with progress and change and leading us to feel frustrated and unhappy.  Although we were molded, for good and for bad by our past, we can make changes in the present.  And we need to see what we perceive as failures as part of the natural process of personal growth.  We can move past our past!

Here are some important points to remember:

• Change takes time.  Even if you don’t lose the weight right away or you do smoke a cigarette or two one day, keep in mind that it has taken many years to create those old habits. 
• It’s going to take a while to change the things that you want to change. Committing to change also means making the conscious decision to accept yourself, imperfections and all
• We can only change ourselves. We can’t change other people.

Now, at the New Year, let’s make a resolution:  We’re not going to stay stuck anymore!  We will choose how we want to be and we will work at it, making a little bit of progress everyday.  And we will remember that making change takes time so we will resolve to love ourselves enough to be patient as we work toward a happier, more satisfying future!