How to Make New Years Resolutions (Part II)

If our New Year’s resolution involves a decision to relate to other people in healthier, happier ways and improve our relationships with them then we need to become aware of how the other person is responding to us and our approach.  Consciously observing our own behavior and other people’s responses to it is the first step in building awareness. Awareness doesn’t happen immediately.  It’s a skill that we can learn step by step. 

Awareness is a state of being in tune with our thoughts and emotions, knowing how we are feeling and reacting in a given way at a particular moment in time.  It is a place from which we can clearly perceive the effect our behaviors have on others.  For example, if we’re abrasive and aggressive towards others we’re likely to get a hostile reaction back.  But if we are gentle, patient and caring, pathways of communication can open up between us instead.  It’s at this point that all positive possibilities become available to us.

It is often the job of adulthood to learn what self awareness is and how to master it.

With awareness we can also draw healthy boundaries between ourselves and others.  We can assert what we feel and need while taking the feelings of other people into account as well.  With healthy boundaries we can know most clearly what we need to take responsibility for and what issues need to be dealt with by others.  When we try to “fix” problems that don’t belong to us and that we can’t actually control, we can find ourselves in situations that are disturbing and fraught with problems.   Awareness helps us draw lines that are both loving and stabilizing.

It is when we have awareness and healthy boundaries that we are best able to build and grow happy, fulfilling and meaningful lives and relationships.